An Interview With William S., one of the Co-Founders of Married Couples in Recovery
Historically, there is no precedent about how to have a successful marriage when both partners are in recovery. Neither the spouses of Bill W. or Doctor Bob, the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous were members of the AA fellowship. This is also true for Jimmy K., the founder of Narcotics Anonymous.
Whole person recovery is physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Physical recovery often occurs first. You start to gain healthy weight, your skin starts to look better, your youthful vitality and your smile return. You look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I look good!” You go to a peer led recovery support group meeting and one of the other members of the group finds you attractive too! You start to date. A year later you decide you want to marry. Neither of you have practice of maintaining a marriage and recovery simultaneously. How do you do it?
Another common scenario is a couple who married when they were both were getting high. They enter early recovery and for the first time they try to make their marriage work without being under the anesthetic influence of drugs. They acknowledge not knowing how.
Interviewer: William S, what are the reasons you co-founded Married Couples in Recovery?
William S: We were some of the biggest partiers in the world when we were getting high. In recovery, some of us still like to party, sober. I saw married couples in recovery go to parties and some would spend the evening dancing with people at the party who were single and wouldn't interact or ignore their spouse all evening. Resentments would build. Some of us have had to learn how to communicate, negotiate and problem solve with our spouse drug free. How to be romantic, drug free. We saw a value in bringing married couples together to learn from each other how to maintain a happy marriage in recovery. Interviewer: Why African American Married Couples in Recovery?
William S: Many of us have never witnessed healthy marriages. In families, at the movies or TV. All of the marriages on reality TV are unhealthy. That includes what we see on the housewives of Atlanta and Potomac. I thought we could figure this out together in recovery.
Interviewer: What are some activities you engage in as a part of African American Married Couples in Recovery?
William S: We have hosted some meetings together as married couples. We also recognize the value and importance of attending separate recovery support group meetings. Some of us are members of 12 step fellowships and we have found that those principles could help us through some of the bumpy roads of marriage. We have also had married couple cookouts. We have had workshops for married couples preceded by a dance. It’s great to see married couples dance with their spouse! We have organized Married Couples Speak-athon meetings, where one married couple after another share their story including their challenges and victories as married couples in recovery. Our big event was always a formal married couples in recovery dinner-dance on Valentines Day.
Interviewer: Valentines Day! Frederick Douglass is the first prominent American recovering alcoholic. His birthday is thought to be February 14th, Valentines Day. Do you have a big wish for African American Married Couples in Recovery?
William S: When we have healthy relationships, the next generations, including our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews are the beneficiaries. That makes all the work worth it.
Interviewer: Thank you William for this interview.